The Potty Train

As long-time readers and friends already know, I have been putting Elsie on the pot for a very long time.  Since she was about a year old.  Elsie had just suffered from a terrible bought of diarrhea.  It was the worst kind.  The type which exploded out of her diaper to coat her from neck to toes inside her little pajamas in the middle of the night, burning her skin and making an extremely stinky mess.  I needed something to look forward to, so I  bought a book called "early start potty training," which is where I first learned that infants can be conditioned with a kind of Pavlovian response to eliminate on command, and that's how they do it in places where they don't have diapers -- not even cloth diapers. Which, by the way, is most of the world.

At 10 months, we had already long since missed the boat for Pavlovian pooping response (that developmental window closes around 5 months).  But I was fascinated by the idea that there was another way, and most interested in research that shows the potty training age is getting older every generation in the US.  Believe your grandmother when she says her kids were trained by 18 months.  She's not just senile, that's how they did it back then.  I was also really ready to be done with poop-smeared bottoms.  So I set to reading more books, joined an Elimination Communication online community, and tried to get us diaper-free as soon as humanly possible.

It did not work out exactly as I had hoped.  Diaper-freedom can be attained much younger than 2, but it takes CONSISTENCY, the type of which could not be offered by a working mom, two grandparents who had no interest in the project, and a family daycare that does things entirely their own way.  To those caregivers out there considering elimination communication, I tell you this: you can try to do it part-time, late-start the way I did, but don't expect to be done before 2 that way.  You will save a lot of diapers and learn a lot about your child's patterns.  You will be able to produce a urine sample without a catheter, should the need ever arise.  You will have the single best protection against diaper rash that there is (naked-bum-time!), and your child WILL learn what it feels like to have to pee and poop much younger than her peers, but you will not likely be able to pack away the diapers very young.  For that, you need to commit to the practice full-time, and the younger you start, the better. 

Part-time, late-start EC did get Elsie to the point where, right around her 2nd birthday, she would pee on the pot once or twice a day, and could (but did not always opt to) alert me when she had to sit for a poop.  The week before Christmas, we caught 6 poops in a potty.  Some of those were started in a diaper and she'd stop and hastily transfer, but  still, 6 poops in 7 days!  Good stuff.

Then Christmas happened.  Oh Christmas!  All the excitement.  All the parties.  All the travel around.  All the chaos!  One quickly growing tot who no longer fit her cloth diapers was suddenly in disposables 24-7.  Pile on top of that one EXHAUSTED and morning-sick mom, and guess what?  No more potty.

Cold hard truth: disposable diapers are the worst thing you can give a child who is learning to use the potty.  She can comfortably wear them when they're wet, wetter, and wettest.  They have cute little characters on them whom she loves and doesn't want to give up.  They allow mom (or dad) to be lazy and tune out to her patterns.  They're just the worst for learning.  So we regressed.

After I surfaced from my morning sickness, Elsie absolutely refused to sit on the potty for another month or two.

When I finally coaxed her on, she'd scoot around the house on her potty shouting, at the top of her lungs, "I'm TRAINING!  I'm TRAINING!"  (Like a train)  The pot always remained spotlessly dry and clean at the end of these training adventures.

Last week, the weather here was unseasonably warm.  My energy is finally up to workable levels, and I had the entire week free.  After our beach adventure, I decided, "It's time to take this bull by the horns." 

For three days, I woke Elsie up, took off her pants, put her in a dress, and let her play all day without anything on her bottom.  The only options were: pee and poop on the floor/ground, or find a potty.  No diapers, no training pants allowed.  I let her lead, because my suggesting the potty only resulted in obstinate refusal.  Once you have a two-year-old on your hands, it has to come from HER, or it won't come at all.

Day 1 was as messy as you'd expect.  She basically peed on the ground all day.  She even pooped in the garden.  We caught only a few late drips on the potty, but at least she'd sit willingly right after an accident, and I was really thrilled that she didn't sully her crib during nap time.

Day 2 started out the same way.  A few pees on the garden.  A few hasty changes of socks.  Lots of towels circulating through the laundry, and the hose at constant readiness. 

By nap time she hadn't had her poop, so I decided to nap in with her, as I sometimes do when I need a rest. She jumped up and down in her crib for an hour (par for the course at nap time these days), then looked up and told me, urgently, "Pee pee!!!"

I rushed to the rescue, but found only a couple drops of urine on her sheets.  I whisked her to the bathroom where she sat on the potty herself while I cleaned up in her room.  Suddenly, I heard a victory cry from the bathroom: "Poop, Mom!  I had a poop!" 

Indeed she had.  In the potty.  By herself.  She had also saved most of the contents of her bladder for the pot.  I was elated, and so was she.  We shared a piece of chocolate to celebrate, read a story to calm down again, and she went right to sleep for two hours.  Bonus!  Potty AND nap!

Day 3 was not as good.  She seemed to be holding her pee and poop as much as possible all day.  A habit that had me a little worried.  There were more messes, and the weather was poorer, so we were trapped inside.  I had to change her sheets at nap time, and bed time, when I pulled out the diaper for the night, she emptied an amazing amount of pee into it immediately.

Day 4 we took off.

Today is day 5.  We're off to a good start!  Elsie woke with a dry diaper this morning, but didn't like my idea of sitting on the potty first thing.  I didn't press it, but I didn't put a diaper on her either.  She's nakey-bum again today.  She got really fidgety at breakfast, and when she asked to be excused, she told me, "I want a diaper!" So I set her gently on her potty and went to get a book.  I had barely made my suggestion when I heard, "I did it!" accompanied by the tell-tale wooshing.  We shared a high-five, and Elsie got to flush the toilet and wash her hands (which she loves).  So we're one for one!

It's a real rollercoaster.  I know you're not supposed to feel disappointed or discouraged.  I know you're not supposed to care WHEN your child is diaper free.  Am I alone in thinking that's a little unrealistic?  The best I can do is be positive with Elsie, be patient with the process, and lay off of nagging her.  Remaining emotionally detached is a bit difficult, because I really do care, and deep down, I think so does everybody else.  I mean, who loves diapers?  Who loves poop?  Anyone?  But I know I can't do this for her, so it's important to stay supportive even when it's frustrating to me.  It's not actually my task at all, it belongs to Elsie, and that's the hardest part!

I know this is a really long post and a gross one for those of you who are not interested, but I know that the internet is crawling with people who are trying to figure out this transition.  Maybe my experiences will help.