Sleep Walker

When we were young, my brother, D, used to sleepwalk.  He did it so regularly that my parents worked it into their nightly routine for us.

Bath
PJs
Teeth
Story
Bedtime
Return the Sleepwalker to Bed

D's sleepwalking is the source of many legendary family stories, like the time D thought a field of dandelions was eating his feet, or the time a babysitter (not the regular one) fled the scene of the sleepwalking because she was terrified of the seemingly possessed little kid in front of her. For those who have never witnessed sleepwalking, it looks exactly like possession.  The sleeper is halfway between the real world and the dream world, opening doors, walking down halls, and climbing stairs, all the while shaking and chattering about the strangest things.

It's hilarious, until it is terrifying.  Mike Birbriglia has a show (and a book, and a movie) that pivots around his hilarious-to-terrifying sleepwalking moment -- the moment in which Mike, dreaming that there's a guided missile programed to seek and destroy him --  flings his body through the glass of his second-story La Quinta Inn window. 

For my brother, it was a little less dramatic, but still fairly troubling.  My dad woke in the wee hours of the night one night.  He got out of bed and found my brother (who I believe was 3 at the time) in his usual dream trance, putting on his shoes to go outside. Non optimal.

From then on, my brother was locked in his room every night with a simple hook-and-eye.  My mom describes feeling weird about this for about half a second, and then deciding that it is totally alright to lock your kid in his room at night. 

This is probably why, "Why don't you just get a lock for the outside of the door?" is one of my most oft' invoked helpful hints on how to get your child to sleep through the night better. It tends to shock and horrify the sleep-deprived parent in question.

"LOCK the child in the room!?"  They gasp, probably wondering where they can find the number for social services to report me.  "But what if she gets out of bed and can't get back in?"

"She'll eventually fall asleep on the floor."  I say  "No big thing.  I'm sure she'll learn quickly that the bed is more comfortable than the floor anyway." 

This, by the way, I actually believe.  I'm not just exaggerating to be funny.  I'm not suggesting it to be ironic.  My brother ended up on his shag carpeting plenty of times, and he slept fine, and so did my parents knowing that he wasn't going to sleep-walk in front of a car at night and get himself killed.  It's no big thing.

***

Last night, hub and I were just drifting off when we heard a loud bang.  The sound a small child might make if she were to fall out of her big girl bed.  We raced in to find Elsie sitting up on the floor, perfectly fine.  She had stumbled when climbing out of her bed. 

I knew the look immediately: a disoriented child trembling and babbling in the night, eyes half shut.  We've got ourselves a sleepwalker.

I'll buy the lock today.