The Gross Stuff

After my pregnancy with Elsie, I was shocked and very pleasantly surprised with just how much my body bounced back.  Part of it was probably being young, part of it was just damn good luck or good genes, part of it was healthy lifestyle, and part of it was the amazing capacity of the human body to accommodate the rather extreme but completely natural and healthy event of baby-making.

There are many, many ways in which a body changes for a pregnancy.  Belly, breasts, hips, skin... all these things are affected.  I'm going to cut straight to the chase and talk genitals as an example here, because for those women who have not yet had a vaginal birth, this is probably the cause of most body-change anxiety. 

Some changes happened quickly.  The vagina miraculously heals itself in about two weeks.  That's right, you can push a BABY through your precious lady bits -- an ENTIRE BABY, and you can tear and you can bleed and you can get stitches and it will hurt like hell to sit down and having a poop with be the scariest thing you can think of (until you do it and survive) and you'll pee yourself every time you cough, laugh, or sneeze for a little while... and then two weeks later you can be perfectly fine.  PERFECTLY FINE!  The vagina, ladies and gentlemen.  It's amazing.

Other things take more time.  For instance, the tissue of the vagina is strongly affected by hormones, which meant that sex hurt like a bitch until I stopped breastfeeding.  I could just hear my body saying, "Woah there, honey, not yet.  Take it easy.  You don't need any more babies right now. Concentrate on this one for a while."  Yes, it sucked, but it did not last forever, and thankfully I have a wonderful husband who did not pressure me (though I pressured myself enough for both of us).  Eventually I did stop breastfeeding, and suddenly everything was peachy again.  Amazing!

Then there are a few little things that just won't ever go back.  Goodbye, hymen!

Overall, I feel that I bounced back really, really well.  I'm quite pleased with the recovery of all of my body parts.  The ways in which I am changed are small and I can live with them.  Some changes are even welcome (larger, softer breasts than pre-baby -- fewer lump freakouts, for sure!)

I worry I won't have the same luck this time.  I feel as though my body is falling apart on me, little by little.  My abs have separated right down the middle.  I noticed it one night when I went to sit up from the couch and saw, instead of a nice even dome of my pregnant belly, a tum that was rounded on the sides and fleshy and ridged along the center.  Yup, that was my guts bulging up between my abs.  Awesome.

I've also sprung a hernea in my belly button.  It's small, but it's a bit tender, and it grosses me out.  I have horrible visions of big, bulging loops of intestine slipping through, a complication that would be unsightly and dangerous, too. 

I'm gaining a bit more weight than I did for Elsie, at the same time hearing from friends that the 2nd baby's weight is harder to lose than the first.  

I have to pee every five minutes, and the level of urgency around this has me anxious about pelvic floor prolapse.  I've started doing my kegels as much as I can remember (which isn't nearly enough).  Any tips on how to actually remember to do those pesky exercises? 

My midwife sets me at ease.  "Oh, that's only a 2 cm gap" she tells me "It's nothing, really.  We'll give you exercises to close it right up postpartum."  My GYN nurse assures me that my pelvic floor tone is fine and that she'll send me to vagina physical therapy (Vagina physical therapy!) if I have any problems after this baby.  I appreciate both women's perspectives so much.  I know they've seen it all, and it means the world to me that they refuse to be alarmist about it. 

I guess the moral of the story is this: the human body is amazing.  It is versatile and it is capable and it is resilient.  It creates life and it heals.  The human mind (or at least my mind) is an anxious creature.  Even having lived this incredible transformation and recovery before, I still find it hard to believe that I'll ever have my body back.  I really, really hope that I will!


Disclaimer: Your mileage may vary!  I'm talking about my body a lot in this post, and I know every pregnancy and every woman is different.  I'm not trying to deny the existence of serious tears or pelvic floor problems or sticky baby weight or totally sexually functional postpartum women here, just talking about how it went for me.