A Child is Born
This book is THE BEST for images of developing life. Hands-down, the best. Lennart Nilsson works with a variety of photography and imaging techniques, some of which he developed himself, and captures scientifically, artistically, and poignantly the journey from sperm and egg to kicking, screaming baby. You can tell this is more than his job, it's his life's passion. For all this, it is timeless.
In other ways, this book is a little bit silly. It's very 70s, or maybe very Scandinavian. Perhaps both. The heat-camera and fuzzy-focus images of couples making love are a particular laughable favorite of mine. The text is nothing special. It reads like an outdated textbook, but at least it's pregnancy-positive. In all honesty, I haven't read the entire book. I find myself drawn so strongly to the pictures and not held by the text, so this remains a picture book for me.
I also used this book to introduce Elsie (2) to the incredible world of reproduction. One day, I was sitting, looking at the pictures, and she crawled up on my lap to see what I was looking at. She's inquisitive, and was quite interested in the "fish" (as she calls the small embryos) and the "babies in the belly" as she identifies older fetuses. It was such a natural way to broach the subject with her. No weird lectures. No hard limits on what she can learn, no goddamn storks. Just Elsie-led curiosity with a whole beautiful picture book of very real, very complete answers to the mysteries of the universe. I recommend this book to anyone wondering just how, or just how much to tell their children about where babies come from. Open it up somewhere in the middle with your child on your lap, and just see where it takes you!
Samples Here
Babycatcher
A collage of an extremely experienced midwife's birth experiences, this book is a great read whether or not you're pregnant. Its funny. It's engaging. You'll laugh and cry for sure. Traditionally, midwife literature can certainly stray into mystical hippie territory, which works for me but can be off-putting to many. No such risk here. This is told through the eyes of a very no-nonsense kind of lady. I feel that I could share this book with Hub and he would actually enjoy it.
Peggy Vincent was, for many years, a midwife in the Bay Area. Babycatcher takes you from her training as a nurse to the untimely conclusion of her career as a midwife and birth activist. Like most midwife-fare, this book is extremely birth-positive, woman-positive, and home-birth-positive. That said, there are a couple of stories in here with bad outcomes. Not many, but a couple. You should definitely be aware of that when you pick it up, because sometimes these things are just too hard to read when you're pregnant. The vast majority of stories here, just like the vast majority of the thousands (thousands!!!) of births Peggy attended, have very happy endings.
Ina May's Guide to Childbirth
Ina May Gaskin is the patron saint of modern midwifery and the homebirth movement. In every way that Peggy Vincent is grounded and gruff, Ina May is ethereal, mystical, and in command of the divine feminine. She runs the birthing center on The Farm, which is a commune in Tennessee that Hub and I definitely had our chuckles at when we first heard of it, but began taking more seriously when we later read their stellar maternal and fetal health statistics.
I haven't finished Ina May's childbirth guide yet, but I can tell you what I have read. It's not a how-to. It's not meant to be any kind of authority on anything. It is a collection of birth stories, mostly told by the mothers themselves. Many of these stories are strongly hippie, free-love, or spiritual in tone, so if that isn't what you're looking for, stick to Babycatcher or a laywoman's obstetrical reference like the MAYO guide.
Even if you find that silly, there is still great value to these stories. They're the most honest of anyone's stories that I've read about birth. They're honest about pain and nausea, they're honest about challenge and exhaustion, they're honest about fear. These are feelings and emotions that are simply a reality of the childbirth experience. But just like in my childbirth, though there is fear and pain and discomfort and exhaustion, there is also a much stronger sense of power, wonder, and joy in each of these stories. It comes through. The entire experience comes through. If you want to know what childbirth feels like, read this one. It's about as close as words can get you to understanding.
How to Talk so Your Kids Will Listen, and Listen so Your Kids Will Talk
How cool is it that I have a child old enough that I am trying to talk so she will listen and listen so she will talk? Let me tell you, it is the best.
This book falls into the "classics" category. Definitely boomer-generation, but I think it contains the most important aspects of that wave of parenting. On my list of parenting values, this one relies heavily on respecting your child and modeling good behavior, both very important and very effective parenting methods that can be a little hard to muster in tense moments.
I found myself thinking that a lot of this book is common sense, but I have decades worth of child-care and education experience. Maybe it's not common sense for everyone. And if it isn't common sense, then it's certainly worth learning. For instance, the idea that punishment just doesn't work. Consequences? Yes. Punishment? The kind where you're just getting back at your kid? No. Not effective! It just sets parent against child and child against parent and completely undermines any happy and respectful dynamic in the family. But boundaries are VERY important!
This is a book about communication. I think it does a good job of illustrating ways in which you can talk and listen that foster both your child's autonomy and your sense of control of your household and teaching of your family values.
I dig the comics. Nice quick way to pick up on bad parental habits to nix and better, more effective methods to use instead. I'm glad, though, that I read this as a book and did not take the class that inspired it. I freaking hate role-playing and that seems to be a tactic used heavily by the authors in their seminars! Does role-playing actually work as a learning technique for anyone else? It just makes me feel incredibly silly and self-conscious. I digress!
If you have a really challenging child, I still think that the slightly more structured regimen of "The Manipulative Child" is your best bet, but between that one and this book, I think you've got most kids covered on their good days and their bad days.
Siblings Without Rivalry
By the authors of "How to Talk..." It's really more of the same, but applied to sibling disputes. The crux of the matter is, you shouldn't tell your kid how to feel about her brother or sister. You're not going to prevent all bad feelings between your kids, just moderate those feelings so that they blow over and don't escalate into serious, long-lasting resentment. Don't play favorites, for instance. Also, you shouldn't intervene in most sibling disputes. You should let them work it out for themselves when it is safe to do so. That's more that I think of as common-sense from years of babysitting, but probably isn't.
I can't tell you how it all works out for Elsie and baby sister yet, but it does make me a bit more confident just having it on the bookshelf. Everything in it aligns neatly with what I've observed in other people's children over the years. But it is always easier to see things clearly with other people's children!
The Talk: What Your Kids Need to Hear From You About Sex
I picked this one up because I am interested in developing a sex ed curriculum... for parents. Turns out, someone already has!
This book is good in that it fills a need. The author makes a compelling argument that sex education should be value-based, and that the only way you know your kids pick up your values is to be involved in this discussion yourself. Agreed!
In other, smaller ways, the author and I disagree. For instance, she says you shouldn't talk to your kid about sex until the age of 8 or something. I don't believe there should ever be a set time on it. This is a conversation that should be started young and informally. (See the first review on this blog entry.) I believe that purposefully withholding information about the human body until a certain age makes an awkward issue out of it and invites mis-information by other people along the way.
I also felt that the author, in an effort to respect all family belief systems, fails to protect and support young queer or LGBT children and teens in a way that she is uniquely poised to do. I can tell that she tries, but she prioritizes not hurting the feelings of the parents rather than giving legitimacy and a face of positive support to the poor gay kid who is going to be gay no matter how religious his parents are. Maybe she's right. Maybe she gets more people to listen this way. It's just not the way I would do it. The stakes are too high for those kids.
But beyond that, this is important stuff. If you need a reason to sit down and talk to your teenager about sex, then get your hands on a copy. There's plenty of inspiration here! Also conversation starters, which might come in handy on a topic that gets many people tongue-tied!
That's all I can remember of my parental reading right now.
Hope this helps you with your library lists!
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