La Familia

My 21-year-old cousin, Maureen, moved into our home with us on the first of September.  Rent in the Boston area is exorbitant, and my cousin's family finances suffered a blow, so Hub and I decided to do what we can to see her through her final year of art school.  We have a room, so it is hers.  La familia, you know.

I was nervous about how it was going to be to cram another adult into our little house.  After three days, a fish and a guest start to smell...

But mercifully, not Marueen.  These last few months have been great.  She's working extremely hard at school, so she's out most days and many nights, too, but when she's home, she's delightful.  Hub and Maureen and I played board games the other night.  When Hub was gone on a business trip, Maureen ran out and brought back chocolate cake to eat after the girls went to bed.  The two of us stayed up late pealing with laughter, gossiping our girl-talk, and eating cake.  When she's home, she pitches in with the girls.  She's considerate enough to always clean up after herself, at the very, very least.  Then, if she can, she'll pitch in some help with the girls, who idolize her.  She's a highly competent babysitter, and she has even offered to stay with our girls for a week after school ends so that Hub and I can take a vacation all by ourselves.

There are only two places where Maureen's presence impedes the smooth running of things.  First, sex.  It's not that Hub and I can't have sex while Maureen is home.  We have a bedroom, and it has a door.  It's just way way way harder to signal each other.  For example, it's 8:45 pm:

Kate: "I'm going to bed."

Hub: "Goodnight."

Kate: "Yup... going upstairs to bed."

Hub: "Sleep well."

Kate: "Maybe I'll read for a while..."

Hub commits to ignoring and doesn't look up from his Economist.

Kate: "You should come to bed, too."

Hub: "Why? Just because you go to bed before 9 doesn't mean that I have to."

Kate: "Just because it might feel good to go to bed early."

Hub:  "Goodnight, Kate."

At last, I'd go to bed alone and fall asleep early and all by myself to a chorus of groans and slapping of foreheads from sexually frustrated husbands around the globe.

***

The second thing my cousin interferes with is fighting.  I can't pick nearly as many fights with Hub when I have an impartial observer.  I care far more about avoiding harpie status when Maureen's home, and I am much less likely to pick on Hub.  In general, this is a really good thing.  I really should pick on Hub far less.  Many of the arguments Hub and I have can be done without entirely.  Bad moods morph and change, and the argument isn't often necessary.

Even so, ill-will has a tendency to accumulate.  For the first month of Maureen's stay, any time Hub and I were alone in the house, I'd automatically pick a fight.  It didn't matter what it was over, it was just the misplaced feeling of unresolved irritation that needed venting, and it ruined a few nice quiet evenings.

It's an adjustment, and I'm learning.

***

Overall, this situation is really lovely.  It soothes the isolation of motherhood in a very powerful way.  At the end of a long day, instead of feeling lonely and frazzled, I sit around with Maureen and we laugh and laugh and laugh.