STFU Parenting

I had an epiphany as I was watching Elsie play in a frigid springtime river Sunday morning.  This was a precious moment for me, just sitting back and letting Elsie explore a tiny corner of nature in our urban neighborhood.  Letting her get muddy and splash around and stumble and find her balance on slippery rocks, feel the warm sun and the icy water and hear the birds singing celebrating spring in the trees.  Loosening my vice grip on her invisible leash and stepping back for a few minutes to watch her grow.

I value this.  That's the epiphany.  I value free play in the outdoors.  I think that this kind of play is important -- much more important than pre-literacy skills in Kindergarten.

And that's why people often tell me that I'm such a laid back mom.

But it is an act.  An effortful act.

Perhaps it's human nature, or my controlling personality, or the nanny-state of my culture, or my Italian-American roots and a childhood soundtrack of my grandmother warning me against filth and discomfort and mortal peril, but it takes EVERY OZ of my self-control to shut up and let Elsie play in peace.

I just finished an outdoorsman course last week in which we were shown reenactments of people falling into rivers on 50 degree days and quickly dying of hypothermia.  I used to be a lifeguard and a Red-Cross Water Safety Instructor.  I know all about drowning, drowning in cold water, drowning in a couple of inches of water.   Every 3 seconds, I wanted to shout,

"Be careful!"
"Don't fall in!"
"You're going to get all wet and cold!"
"That's enough!"

I mostly kept quiet, letting out the occasional "Careful!" for every 20 times I felt the impulse.  I'd have been a better parent if I kept my mouth completely shut.

I am not a laid-back mom.  I am a really-stressed-out mom!  Perhaps I can someday achieve a practice of Zen parenting, in which I am calm and trusting through and through, but until then, I'll settle for a practice of Shut-The-F-Up parenting, in which I put a sock in it and let my daughter play in peace as long as I can stand it.