At the end of November, Lucia turned 1. She shared a party with a little friend who was also turning one year old. Good times and healthy cupcakes were had by all. (Though she did stuff her face with chocolate cake and chocolate frosting at Elsie's 5 year birthday the previous day.)
Thus concluded Lucia's baby year. She's still a baby, I suppose, but a big, sturdy one now who doesn't nurse, eats all kinds of food, and takes a bottle only out of my own backwards inertia, and quite against her pediatrician's recommendation. She's teetering right on the edge of toddlerhood, testing her strength with a few very hesitant steps. The girl jumps, but she still does not walk. I was sure she would be walking by 10 months, but despite her physical prowess, she is taking her time.
As Lucia grows out of being a baby, I am experiencing a flush of baby showers. It has inspired me to take a look at gear again. I first wrote about gear years and years ago, when Elsie was a baby.
People warned me when I was first pregnant and trying to prepare... "Every baby is different! You can't know what you'll need!" As much as I hated to hear that when I was pregnant, and as useless as that information is, I have to echo it now. Every baby really is different. Every parent, too! So take this list with a grain of salt!
Here's Lucia's stuff list:
Swaddles: If you only had ONE thing when you have a baby, it should be swaddles/blankets, ripped from old sheets, knit up by hand, bought from the store -- whatever! I like having both flat swaddles and velcro swaddles (summer infant are still my go-to here.) My very favorite is Aden and Anais Classic Muslin Swaddle Blanket This swaddle is expensive, but it is really, really good. It works as a nice, tight, frictiony swaddle. It works as an absorbent rag. It works as a blanket to protect your baby from yucky floors or changing tables. It is soft. It is huge. It is light. It is cute. It washes without any problem and folds flat to fit in a drawer. This swaddle should work as a hand-me-down, too. Don't be afraid to shop second-hand shops for these, and if a friend comes over with a bag of ones she used for her babies, accept them with a big smile!
Pacifiers: I used to have this thing against pacifiers. I didn't want my babies using them. I remember it clearly, but I can no longer remember WHY I was so determined to avoid this particular soothing method. Orthodontia, maybe? But even my excessively uptight pediatrician insists that it isn't until the age of 4 or so that I need to worry about that. Studies show that pacifiers are protective against SIDS. But all of that aside, both my girls can often be 100% soothed with sucking. For Elsie, it was her thumb, for Lucia, it's her bink. Of course she likes THIS ONE, which I bought out of desperation at Whole Foods one day. I like it because even tiny babies can manipulate the little ring on it. My lactation consultant likes it because it's round, "and your nipples are round!" My hippie and chemical engineer friends both like it because it is natural rubber, BPA free. Lucia likes it because it costs about three times what any other pacifier costs. But as you will soon discover, if it consistently stops your baby crying and makes her sleep longer, it is worth every penny.
Sheepskin: The skin of a sheep, with wool, is considered baby basic in New Zealand, where my husband is from. Here, not so much. I bought our first sheepskin from the local farmer's market. The woman there cures them herself so that she's sure they're safe for babies. She assured me I can throw it in my washing machine with some wool wash. The skin will come out a bit more brittle, but it's fine. Lucia received a second sheepskin from a dear friend. We use them both. They really don't need washing unless they get seriously soiled (like when Lucia had a stomach bug). I co-slept through Lucia's first winter. Just Lucia and me, down in the guest bed. I hadn't planned on co-sleeping, and did not really love it, but I DO really love sleeping, so I'd rather co-sleep than not sleep at all, and that was the choice Lucia offered me. I placed a skin down on her half of the bed. That way, in the night, if I rolled over, I'd feel the skin and know I was close to Lucia. It brought me peace of mind to have that physical awareness of where she was in the bed. Studies show that the real dangers in co-sleeping tend to crop up when alcohol or drugs are involved, so maybe I needn't have worried, but I did worry. The skin kept Lucia warm and comfortable, and it made me feel safe. Now it lives on the floor of her playpen.
Diapers: I pulled out all my awesome all-in-one diapers, but I never got back into the habit of the cloth this time. I still think cloth is great, and my friends tell me it's even better now than it was in 2009, when I used cloth for Elsie, so I encourage anyone interested to delve into that world. Lucia was so successful with the infant potty training that we use 2-4 diapers a day. I tried a bunch of kinds of disposables, and settled on pampers. They smell awful. I don't know what the heck they put in those diapers that makes them stink like diapers. But gee-wiz! They can sure hold a lot of pee. For the infant pottying, I've just been taking L to the big person toilet. We still have the baby-bjorn potties, and they're still great! But I think we'll use them more when she's a bit bigger and more able to get to the pot on her own. For now, we have zero additional gear for the infant potty training. We just use fewer diapers and wipes and only have to run a stinky diaper out to the bin every couple of weeks. It's pretty great!
I still think that fancy diaper pails (ala diaper genie) are a waste of money.
Crib: I can't say enough good things about our baby bjorn travel crib. I am SO GLAD I registered for this item. It is going strong after 5 years, and we use it all the time. When L can't sleep, we set it up in the dining room so that she doesn't wake Elsie. When we were transitioning her away from co-sleeping, we had her in the room with us in that crib. We use it to travel. We also have a real crib, handed down from a friendly family, and we use that, too. But if I had to choose only one crib, I would make it the Baby Bjorn Travel crib. That thing is AMAZING. It is better than the popular pack-and-play in several ways: The bjorn is sturdier, more comfortable, and easier to set up, break down, and move around. The padding is thicker in the bjorn, and it rests straight on the floor, so it is also more supportive. The fabric in the bjorn feels much nicer than the fabric of the pack and play, which feels like rough plastic burlap. This is an expensive but very good item that should be just as good as a hand-me-down.
Carrier: I used the same two carriers I had for Elsie at the same times and for the same reasons this time around. Moby for the first couple of months, followed by the more user-friendly ergo after that. I went from front pack to backpack at about 4 months. Moby is still a pain to put on, but it's still very comfortable once it is put together. There is no reason you can't get one used. My local baby secondhand stores are full of them. Ergo is still easy and comfortable. There are many other options in carriers. I'm sure plenty of them are great, but I'd steer clear of the bjorn. It's not as comfortable on mom or baby as other styles. In general, baby-wearing is a great way to be able to do something -- anything at all -- other than holding your baby. I don't know how people live without a carrier.
Stroller: The world of strollers is overwhelming. My favorite types are the solidly made umbrella strollers. I have a cybex, but my friend's maclairin looks solid, too. You can buy a cheaper one, and it will be great for limited use, but if you use it every day (as I do) on bumpy sidewalks, it will fall apart after a few months. So buy the stroller that suits your personal need. The more it costs, the longer it will last and the more groceries you can hang off of it. If you need that, then go for it. If you don't, then get the cheap brand. All these new, fancy designs do nothing for me. I keep coming back to the simple, four-wheeled, folding umbrella style. I don't think any of the tri-wheeled, book-folding, swivel chair, bassinet ninja designs are really any better than the old fashioned design.
Car-seat: trick question! I hate ALL car seats, equally much! Car seats need a complete, bottom-up redesign. But if you try to drive your baby home without one, you will get arrested. The good news is, if it's being sold in the US, it has passed great safety tests. Your baby is safe! The bad news is, beyond safety, they all stink. Greyco uses fabric that is rough, plastic, and sweaty as hell on a hot day. Combi is pretty good. The fabric is nice, and I hear they fixed the infuriating buckle situation that makes me curse in front of my baby every day, but they're still expensive. Britax is actually pretty easy to use, but they're HUGE and you could never in a million years fit three of them in the back of a car. Sigh. Now we're supposed to use them until our children are 12 years old. GREAT. For an infant car seat: buy the lightest one you can. Feel the fabric and ask, "would I like to be trapped in a nest of this on a 100 degree day?" and then hand over your savings. I've heard talk about making hand-me-down car-seats illegal. Lawmakers worry that the hander-down will lie and give you a seat that was in a car crash before. They're probably worried about this because the carseat lobby says they should be worried about this (instead of just saying that they want to sell a new carseat for every new baby). I won't tell anyone if you happen to use one that a trusted friend left in your car for you. Lucia uses the ones we already had, and I hate them just as much this time around.
Chew Toys: Lucia loves to chew. This is her favorite chew toy, though she's also a fan of sophie the giraffe, this banana, and my toothbrush. She loves Hub's toothbrush, too, but he made me promise to stop handing it over to Lucia whenever I needed a moment of peace and quiet.
The best new chew invention on the market is the chewable necklace. Lucia is like a kitten: when I hold her, she likes to knead my skin with her tiny, razor-shark claws until I bleed. One day, she decided to do this while we were at a toy store, and in a fit of pain and exasperation, I decided that a string of gaudy red silicone beads might actually be worth $35 after all -- and it was. Motherhood! (There are cheaper versions of this necklace, I just happened to be face to face with only one, expensive choice at a time of weak will.)
Whitenoise: Elsie did not need white noise to sleep. Lucia is a different baby in a much livelier (read: noisier!) household. She was such a light sleeper! At some point, I realized that background noise might help. I bought this noisemaker, though I'm sure any is fine. I bring white noise with us anywhere I want Lucia to sleep. It's a game changer! Especially for a baby who shares a room with an older sibling. Elsie and I can now sneak in to bed without disturbing the baby.
Playpen: Did I tell you about the time Lucia fell down the stairs? No? Well it was terrible. In my house, it is not obvious how to install a safety gate at the bottom of the stairs without building another wall. Good to have a place to put her when I need a moment of concentration (though it is hard to concentrate when she's screaming with rage that I put her in a cage).
Clothes: The best baby clothes are one-piece, soft, breathable, and warm. I used a wool onsie as a base layer with cotton footed pj on top every day for the first several months. Now that Lucia's standing and crawling and walking, one-piece pjs without feet or a sweater dress with tights, or onesie and overalls are the best. Lucia is a much squirmier worm than Elsie ever was, so zippers have become more important. These little slippers work really well for us. Simple outfits are the best. Stay away from fancy shoes for babies, or outfits with a lot of pieces. Little soft leather shoes are good, but anything stiff or bulky is unnecessary. I know they're cute, but hang them on the Christmas tree, because the baby doesn't want to wear them.
To go over my backpack carrier, I bought a big, heavy wool swing-coat (2 sizes too big) at Goodwill. I cut a straight hole, right across the back of it between my shoulder blades. I wear it on top of Lucia. I look like a hunchback with a baby head sticking out of my coat. It's the only way to know she's really warm in this cold, because I can feel her body pressed right against mine and I know she can't kick off the blanket of coat.
Squish Packs: I thought these were a gimmick. Somebody was trying to sell me babyfood for twice as much as usual because "Look, we put it in a pouch!" Well, I'll eat my hat. These squish packs are wonderful. When she was just a little baby, a hungry Lucia could eat an entire squish pack by herself without making a mess. She didn't even need a bib! Unfortunately, if she is more bored than hungry, she'll just squeeze the entire pack over herself and paint my kitchen with the sticky mess. She is still a baby, after all. I have tasted all the squish packs at my grocery store. Hands-down, the most delicious one is Plum's Peach, Apricot, and Banana.
That's it! All the things I can think of right now that really made life easier with baby Lucia.
If you are preparing for a baby, the biggest piece of advice I have is this: this list is of things that made my life easier, but there are very, very few THINGS that are NEEDS when you have a baby. A baby does not NEED much. Babies need food. They need to be warm. They need to be dry and clean from poop. Babies need to be loved and cuddled and played with and cooed at. Babies can get all of their needs met with almost nothing extra. Stuff is great! Some of it makes life much easier. But most of it, the vast majority of it, is just extra. If you had a baby right this very second, you'd be just about as prepared as the woman who has her nursery filled to the brim the week of her first positive pregnancy test.
That is what it is to have a baby... to be caught utterly and, if you're lucky, joyfully unprepared.
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